Dream Chaser

God must look down upon me some days shaking his head and wish he could grab me by the shoulders and say 'Wake up Girl". Have you ever had a dream that has followed you not just for days, but for years. I have and it has chased me for over 20 years. It has tempted, teased and tried my patience as I wait for the right opportunity to show itself. Will this dream ever become reality?

For me there is this desire to constantly want more than what I have. Recently this desire has returned and I am having trouble getting it out of my head. I think I have it solved, weigh up the pros and cons of the situation, make justifications and then try to feel settled about the decision. Inside there seems to be a little voice that I am having problems hearing. The voice of reason that tells me if I am on the right path. At the moment the voice seems faint or is it that I don't really want to listen to what it is saying?

I have been reading a book by Holly Wagner titled Warrior Chicks and in this book she talks about staying at your post (ouch - pinch number 1 and not what I wanted to hear.) I read my daily devotional to have the words "You have all that you want" standing out from the page (ouch - pinch number 2 and still not what I wanted to hear). This desire is so strong that I am struggling to make any decision. The old me would jump in boots and all, set unrealistic expectations about what I can cope with and then take on too much. This would be followed by collapsing in the corner in a year or two utterly exhausted. My family would bear the brunt of my stress levels and once again be wishing for a safe, exclusion zone that they could retreat to.

Sometimes we think we know what we want. Sometimes we pursue it so vigoriously that we lose sight of reality, surging forward so hard with a destroying, crushing force of a Category 5 cyclone in pursuit of dreams. It isn't always easy to appreciate what we already have. I read in a devotion recently that until we stop wanting what we don't have we cannot appreciate what we already do. These words hit home. I can take on so much however I fail to see what I already have, the gifts that I have already been given. I am blessed to have a loving husband and two gorgeous boys who I absolutely love. God has been gracious over the past few years, sparing us from devastating loss and providing so much for this family. So why do I even consider that I need more? It is time for my family to be the priority - not dream chasing. If they are the center of my world, then does it not make sense to keep things the way they are rather than throwing a grenade into the midst and be picking up pieces for years to come.

What I do need to do is to make sure that the one calling the shots is God. I need to feel in my heart that the decisions that I make line up with what God has planned for me. It means I need to listen harder for that small voice inside and block out the distractions and interference that is happening. I also need to be prepared to accept that my desires may not match up and that's okay for if I make the right decision, all will be good in the long term and that's a dream worth pursuing.

With Love,
Lynnelle

www.5smallstones.com.au
lynnelle@5smallstones.com.au